Our Anniversary

This weekend Eric and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary! It is amazing to think that one year has already flown by and it is insane how many changes have occurred in so short a time. Last year we were worrying about placecards and seating arrangements and now we worry about where we'll put the highchair in the dining room. Last year we had an amazing reception and danced the night away to our favorite classics and the newest hits. Last night we had a dance party for three courtesy of the baby einstien playmat. It hasn't been a perfect year - it was actually quite challenging reconciling all the changes that happened so quickly. Even though we had lived together for nearly 2 years before we got married, it seemed like a lot of things changed very quickly once we came back from our honeymoon. We found out I was pregnant and shortly after I was off on a plane to Rwanda for a month. I got back and then had to start the process of research business schools and decided that it might be better to stay in the area and go part-time rather than move away and go full time like we had planned. Then came the GMATs and the holidays and we were off to Sri Lanka for an awesome adventure. When we returned my business school application awaited me as I scrambled to finish my essays by the deadline. Once those were turned in we celebrated Eric's birthday, then a romantic Valentine's Day celebration. Before we knew it, it was time for my baby shower and then one short month later we celebrated my birthday in the hospital with our newest family member. The last three months have gone by in the blink of an eye and somehow in that time we managed to make a trip to PA, a trip to Charlottesville, many many trips to Warrenton and Tyson's to visit family, move and have Zaiden's bay'ah.

Now that I'm back to work and things are settling into more of a routine at home with Zaiden, I feel like I've finally had time to process all that has happened in the past year and it's really overwhelming. I loved going out with my friends for happy hour, having date nights, going into the city every once in a while, even going out every once in a while. I loved lazy weekend mornings - getting up at 8, cuddling over coffee and enjoying a leisurely breakfast. I loved going to the gym everyday and the feeling you get when you know you've had a really good workout. All those things that I loved so much have gone away to some degree, if not completely and I really really miss them. I miss date nights and romance, I miss lazy weekend mornings, I miss being able to do things on my own schedule, I miss hanging out with my friends and I miss having a group of people that could always relate to exactly where I was in my life.  I think that there's an expectation, especially for women, that when you have a child you are supposed to be so happy and so consumed by that happiness that nothing bothers you - that the happiness you derive from your child replaces the happiness you derived from other aspects of your life before you had a child. For me, this really isn't the case. I love Zaiden with every ounce of my being and he makes me immensely happy, but the happiness I get from playing with him, interacting with him, and just being his mom does not replace the joys and happiness I derived from the other aspects of my life described above. While I know I am a better mom when I am able to take care of my emotional and physical needs, it's really hard to do - there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to take care of Zaiden and do the little things around the house that need to get done everyday and prep for school and deal with work.

Anyway, after that slightly serious tangent, the exciting thing this weekend was celebrating our anniversary and getting our first real date in 3 months! On Saturday, my parents came over and watch Zaiden while Eric and I went our for dinner in DC to CityZen. It was spectacular and we had an amazing time. I was super excited that I could actually fit into a dress I wore when we were honeymooning in Belize and for the first time in a while, I felt beautiful. The food was incredibe, the atmosphere was incredible and it felt incredible to get all dolled up for an evening that was just about the two of us. Annnd we only talked about Zaiden for about 5 minutes in the car - that was it. The entire night was about us and it was just what we needed. It was fablous to focus on our relationship for a change and it was so romantic to just get to eat together and share 3 whole hours alone. We were feeling so good and romantic and lovey-dovey and were quicly broken out of our spell by a hungry baby literally 5 minutes after we walked in the door. While it was good to cuddle and hold our little guy after being away from him for so long, there were definitely other ways I would have preferred to end our evening. On our actual anniversary Sunday, I was feeling kind of down. I had thought our anniversary would feel special and it didn't start out that way so that got me thinking about how different things were now than before and I was kind of down. We had a fun day with Zaiden though and he actually was asleep by 8:30. Once he was down, Eric and I finally got to spend some time together and it was fantastic. We had a fabulous Italian feast for dinner, got to watch our wedding video, enjoyed champagne from our toasting flutes and stuffed ourselves with delicious wedding cake as we cuddled on the couch and watched the baby monitor. I can't believe how lucky I am to be loved so much by such an incredible man. There were no flowers or expensive gifts, just a thoughtful card from each of us to the other and it was perfect.