It seems hard to believe that 3 months have flown by so quickly! Zaiden is doing so well and doing so many new things - he talks up a storm now and he's mastered the art of grabbing things. If the past few weeks are any indication, I think Zaiden definitely has his mommy's temperment. He knows what he wants, when he wants and he gets very upset if he doesn't get it right away (granted, right now these "wants" are really needs, like getting fed, sleeping and getting his diaper changed). I forsee problems in the future when his "wants" actually become wants rather than needs. This month, Zaiden has also mastered the art of sucking his thumb, eating his hand, and rolling over (on 6/28)! Here are some videos from the past three months - it's amazing to see how much he's changed:) Enjoy!
Zaiden's First Bath: http://sharing.theflip.com/session/733748348c5fa3d2c2caeb071ae2d6a9/video/101791091
Story Time:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/733748348c5fa3d2c2caeb071ae2d6a9/video/101788951
Tummy Time I:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/733748348c5fa3d2c2caeb071ae2d6a9/video/101788391
Zaiden v. Pacifier:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/733748348c5fa3d2c2caeb071ae2d6a9/video/101787631
Tummy Time II:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/733748348c5fa3d2c2caeb071ae2d6a9/video/101787041
Tummy Time III - The Roll Over:
http://sharing.theflip.com/session/733748348c5fa3d2c2caeb071ae2d6a9/video/101785441
Monday, July 18, 2011
Our Anniversary
This weekend Eric and I celebrated our first wedding anniversary! It is amazing to think that one year has already flown by and it is insane how many changes have occurred in so short a time. Last year we were worrying about placecards and seating arrangements and now we worry about where we'll put the highchair in the dining room. Last year we had an amazing reception and danced the night away to our favorite classics and the newest hits. Last night we had a dance party for three courtesy of the baby einstien playmat. It hasn't been a perfect year - it was actually quite challenging reconciling all the changes that happened so quickly. Even though we had lived together for nearly 2 years before we got married, it seemed like a lot of things changed very quickly once we came back from our honeymoon. We found out I was pregnant and shortly after I was off on a plane to Rwanda for a month. I got back and then had to start the process of research business schools and decided that it might be better to stay in the area and go part-time rather than move away and go full time like we had planned. Then came the GMATs and the holidays and we were off to Sri Lanka for an awesome adventure. When we returned my business school application awaited me as I scrambled to finish my essays by the deadline. Once those were turned in we celebrated Eric's birthday, then a romantic Valentine's Day celebration. Before we knew it, it was time for my baby shower and then one short month later we celebrated my birthday in the hospital with our newest family member. The last three months have gone by in the blink of an eye and somehow in that time we managed to make a trip to PA, a trip to Charlottesville, many many trips to Warrenton and Tyson's to visit family, move and have Zaiden's bay'ah.
Now that I'm back to work and things are settling into more of a routine at home with Zaiden, I feel like I've finally had time to process all that has happened in the past year and it's really overwhelming. I loved going out with my friends for happy hour, having date nights, going into the city every once in a while, even going out every once in a while. I loved lazy weekend mornings - getting up at 8, cuddling over coffee and enjoying a leisurely breakfast. I loved going to the gym everyday and the feeling you get when you know you've had a really good workout. All those things that I loved so much have gone away to some degree, if not completely and I really really miss them. I miss date nights and romance, I miss lazy weekend mornings, I miss being able to do things on my own schedule, I miss hanging out with my friends and I miss having a group of people that could always relate to exactly where I was in my life. I think that there's an expectation, especially for women, that when you have a child you are supposed to be so happy and so consumed by that happiness that nothing bothers you - that the happiness you derive from your child replaces the happiness you derived from other aspects of your life before you had a child. For me, this really isn't the case. I love Zaiden with every ounce of my being and he makes me immensely happy, but the happiness I get from playing with him, interacting with him, and just being his mom does not replace the joys and happiness I derived from the other aspects of my life described above. While I know I am a better mom when I am able to take care of my emotional and physical needs, it's really hard to do - there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to take care of Zaiden and do the little things around the house that need to get done everyday and prep for school and deal with work.
Anyway, after that slightly serious tangent, the exciting thing this weekend was celebrating our anniversary and getting our first real date in 3 months! On Saturday, my parents came over and watch Zaiden while Eric and I went our for dinner in DC to CityZen. It was spectacular and we had an amazing time. I was super excited that I could actually fit into a dress I wore when we were honeymooning in Belize and for the first time in a while, I felt beautiful. The food was incredibe, the atmosphere was incredible and it felt incredible to get all dolled up for an evening that was just about the two of us. Annnd we only talked about Zaiden for about 5 minutes in the car - that was it. The entire night was about us and it was just what we needed. It was fablous to focus on our relationship for a change and it was so romantic to just get to eat together and share 3 whole hours alone. We were feeling so good and romantic and lovey-dovey and were quicly broken out of our spell by a hungry baby literally 5 minutes after we walked in the door. While it was good to cuddle and hold our little guy after being away from him for so long, there were definitely other ways I would have preferred to end our evening. On our actual anniversary Sunday, I was feeling kind of down. I had thought our anniversary would feel special and it didn't start out that way so that got me thinking about how different things were now than before and I was kind of down. We had a fun day with Zaiden though and he actually was asleep by 8:30. Once he was down, Eric and I finally got to spend some time together and it was fantastic. We had a fabulous Italian feast for dinner, got to watch our wedding video, enjoyed champagne from our toasting flutes and stuffed ourselves with delicious wedding cake as we cuddled on the couch and watched the baby monitor. I can't believe how lucky I am to be loved so much by such an incredible man. There were no flowers or expensive gifts, just a thoughtful card from each of us to the other and it was perfect.
Now that I'm back to work and things are settling into more of a routine at home with Zaiden, I feel like I've finally had time to process all that has happened in the past year and it's really overwhelming. I loved going out with my friends for happy hour, having date nights, going into the city every once in a while, even going out every once in a while. I loved lazy weekend mornings - getting up at 8, cuddling over coffee and enjoying a leisurely breakfast. I loved going to the gym everyday and the feeling you get when you know you've had a really good workout. All those things that I loved so much have gone away to some degree, if not completely and I really really miss them. I miss date nights and romance, I miss lazy weekend mornings, I miss being able to do things on my own schedule, I miss hanging out with my friends and I miss having a group of people that could always relate to exactly where I was in my life. I think that there's an expectation, especially for women, that when you have a child you are supposed to be so happy and so consumed by that happiness that nothing bothers you - that the happiness you derive from your child replaces the happiness you derived from other aspects of your life before you had a child. For me, this really isn't the case. I love Zaiden with every ounce of my being and he makes me immensely happy, but the happiness I get from playing with him, interacting with him, and just being his mom does not replace the joys and happiness I derived from the other aspects of my life described above. While I know I am a better mom when I am able to take care of my emotional and physical needs, it's really hard to do - there just doesn't seem to be enough time in the day to take care of Zaiden and do the little things around the house that need to get done everyday and prep for school and deal with work.
Anyway, after that slightly serious tangent, the exciting thing this weekend was celebrating our anniversary and getting our first real date in 3 months! On Saturday, my parents came over and watch Zaiden while Eric and I went our for dinner in DC to CityZen. It was spectacular and we had an amazing time. I was super excited that I could actually fit into a dress I wore when we were honeymooning in Belize and for the first time in a while, I felt beautiful. The food was incredibe, the atmosphere was incredible and it felt incredible to get all dolled up for an evening that was just about the two of us. Annnd we only talked about Zaiden for about 5 minutes in the car - that was it. The entire night was about us and it was just what we needed. It was fablous to focus on our relationship for a change and it was so romantic to just get to eat together and share 3 whole hours alone. We were feeling so good and romantic and lovey-dovey and were quicly broken out of our spell by a hungry baby literally 5 minutes after we walked in the door. While it was good to cuddle and hold our little guy after being away from him for so long, there were definitely other ways I would have preferred to end our evening. On our actual anniversary Sunday, I was feeling kind of down. I had thought our anniversary would feel special and it didn't start out that way so that got me thinking about how different things were now than before and I was kind of down. We had a fun day with Zaiden though and he actually was asleep by 8:30. Once he was down, Eric and I finally got to spend some time together and it was fantastic. We had a fabulous Italian feast for dinner, got to watch our wedding video, enjoyed champagne from our toasting flutes and stuffed ourselves with delicious wedding cake as we cuddled on the couch and watched the baby monitor. I can't believe how lucky I am to be loved so much by such an incredible man. There were no flowers or expensive gifts, just a thoughtful card from each of us to the other and it was perfect.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
First Day of Work
After 12 weeks and 2 days of maternity leave, I have officially returned to the work force! Today was my first day back at work and boy has it been interesting. I have been dreading this day since I started my leave and getting out of the house this morning was so difficult. Little Z definitely loves his mommy and for the past 12 weeks I've been there to feed him whenever he was hungry, comfort him whenever he was upset and hold and cuddle him as much as he needed. I've watched as his eyes search for me when I move just out of sight and I've heard how he cries inconsolibly when I leave the room and he needs me (even if it's just for me to hold him). Given all of this, I'm sure you can imagine that today was a difficult day for us.
Everything this morning when exactly as planned - I fed Little Z at 5:30, got up at 6, took the dog for a couple mile walk/jog, showered, got ready then fed Little Z again around 7:30 before I left. Our feeding this morning was so special. I tried to memorize his face as I gazed into his eyes while he eat. I tried to burn the image of his eyes staring so lovingly back at me, and as I held his tiny hand I tried to imprint the feeling of him gripping me so tightly. Leaving him this morning was one of the hardest things I've done and I had tears in my eyes as I walked out the door. I was so concerned about him - what would he do when he realized mommy wasn't home? Would he have enough milk? Would Eric be able to calm him when he was fussy?
At the office, everything went smoothly. I spent most of the day catching on admin and HR things with a couple meetings interspersed throughout the day. Pumping hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be and it's been kind of nice to have those 15 minute breaks throughout the day to look forward to. I only called home twice - once after my mid morning pumping session and once after my lunch pumping session. It sounded like Zaiden was doing pretty well - no inconsolible crying or fussiness and there definitely was enough milk. Plus it seems like what I've been expressing is totally in line with what he's been eating all day. So now, with just 1 more hour left in my work day, I have to say I think it was a success.
I am so happy that I am only working part-time now. I think it's going to be the perfect balance of work and family. I think it will help me focus on work while I'm at work and our family when I'm at home and it will help me appreciate and enjoy both more. I think I'm going to value my time with Eric and Zaiden even more than I already did, and I already am gaining an appreciation for being at work and reading things other than Are You My Mother?, That's Not My Puppy, and the Ocean Alphabet Book (all of which I can recite from memory now:P). I'm also very excited about being able to eat on a regular schedule, send emails from my computer and use 2 hands for most of my activities. It's pretty exciting stuff after not being able to do any of that for 12 weeks. On the other hand, I do miss the huge smiles my little man gives me all day and how just hearing my voice makes him beam. I am just so thankful that Eric is able to be home with him all summer. He is such an amazing father and I feel so much better knowing that Little Z is still getting the love and attention he needs. I'm also glad Eric is staying at home with him because I think it will give him a new perspective on the things I've done since Little Z was born. Eric definitely appreciates all the work that I've done taking care of our little guy, but I don't think he fully got how frustrating and exhausting it can be to be the sole person that can feed and effectively comfort your child. Little Z definitely knows and loves his daddy, but he is dependent upon me in a very different way. It's an amazing responsibility, but it can also get to be very draining and I'm not sure it's something that he or anyone else can fully understand unless they are exclusively breastfeeding on demand. I totally believe that it is the best thing for our son and I'm happy to do it, but it is very confining and limiting and since not many people do this any more, there are a very few people that can relate to the feelings that you have in that particular situation.
OK - enoiugh babbling for now! Time to finish up the work day and head home to see my very awesome family:) I promise I'll be posting more often now, so check back for more updates. We're hoping to get some videos uploaded on here soon as well so y'all can see some of our adventures from the past 12 weeks!
Everything this morning when exactly as planned - I fed Little Z at 5:30, got up at 6, took the dog for a couple mile walk/jog, showered, got ready then fed Little Z again around 7:30 before I left. Our feeding this morning was so special. I tried to memorize his face as I gazed into his eyes while he eat. I tried to burn the image of his eyes staring so lovingly back at me, and as I held his tiny hand I tried to imprint the feeling of him gripping me so tightly. Leaving him this morning was one of the hardest things I've done and I had tears in my eyes as I walked out the door. I was so concerned about him - what would he do when he realized mommy wasn't home? Would he have enough milk? Would Eric be able to calm him when he was fussy?
At the office, everything went smoothly. I spent most of the day catching on admin and HR things with a couple meetings interspersed throughout the day. Pumping hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be and it's been kind of nice to have those 15 minute breaks throughout the day to look forward to. I only called home twice - once after my mid morning pumping session and once after my lunch pumping session. It sounded like Zaiden was doing pretty well - no inconsolible crying or fussiness and there definitely was enough milk. Plus it seems like what I've been expressing is totally in line with what he's been eating all day. So now, with just 1 more hour left in my work day, I have to say I think it was a success.
I am so happy that I am only working part-time now. I think it's going to be the perfect balance of work and family. I think it will help me focus on work while I'm at work and our family when I'm at home and it will help me appreciate and enjoy both more. I think I'm going to value my time with Eric and Zaiden even more than I already did, and I already am gaining an appreciation for being at work and reading things other than Are You My Mother?, That's Not My Puppy, and the Ocean Alphabet Book (all of which I can recite from memory now:P). I'm also very excited about being able to eat on a regular schedule, send emails from my computer and use 2 hands for most of my activities. It's pretty exciting stuff after not being able to do any of that for 12 weeks. On the other hand, I do miss the huge smiles my little man gives me all day and how just hearing my voice makes him beam. I am just so thankful that Eric is able to be home with him all summer. He is such an amazing father and I feel so much better knowing that Little Z is still getting the love and attention he needs. I'm also glad Eric is staying at home with him because I think it will give him a new perspective on the things I've done since Little Z was born. Eric definitely appreciates all the work that I've done taking care of our little guy, but I don't think he fully got how frustrating and exhausting it can be to be the sole person that can feed and effectively comfort your child. Little Z definitely knows and loves his daddy, but he is dependent upon me in a very different way. It's an amazing responsibility, but it can also get to be very draining and I'm not sure it's something that he or anyone else can fully understand unless they are exclusively breastfeeding on demand. I totally believe that it is the best thing for our son and I'm happy to do it, but it is very confining and limiting and since not many people do this any more, there are a very few people that can relate to the feelings that you have in that particular situation.
OK - enoiugh babbling for now! Time to finish up the work day and head home to see my very awesome family:) I promise I'll be posting more often now, so check back for more updates. We're hoping to get some videos uploaded on here soon as well so y'all can see some of our adventures from the past 12 weeks!
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