Frustrating Appointment

Yesterday, Eric and I had another doctor's appointment and while technically everything was OK, it was a rather frustrating appointment. Up until this point, I have been extremely happy with our doctor - he's been very open to us wanting an intervention free birth and seems to be OK with a lot of things hospitals and doctors generally discourage, such as no IV or heplock, eating and drinking during labor, and delivering in any position we want. He even encouraged us to write a birth plan. Yesterday, we went over our birth plan, and while he was on board with a lot of it, there were two critical elements that he was not OK with and one of them is an absolute non-negotiable for me. First, he insisted on pitocin after delievery to speed the delivery of the placenta - I know that this is routine in most hospitals and I know that the research on this is split. Since the baby will already be out, this is also one battle I'm willing to let go - if there are any adverse side effects because of it, it will be to me and not my child, so I'm OKwith that.

The second issue was my non-negotiable. I don't want to be induced and I don't want my labor augmented, but if for some reason it must be, absolutely under no circumstances do I want Cytotec to be used. Cytotec is technically a prescription ulcer medicine, but it is used off labels by OBs to induce and augment labor. The problem with Cytotec is that it has been shown to create extremely strong contractions - stronger than Pitocin - and to the point that it can cause fetal distress, increased risk of uterine rupture, and in some cases brain damage or death of the baby. I know that every intervention and drug has its risks and I know Pitocin doesn't come without risks - many of which are similar to Cytotec. However, the rate of incidence of these side effects is lower with Pitocin and things like brain damage and fetal death are a much lower risk. When I raised these points to my doctor he basically told me that I can't dictate how my labor is managed, which is total BS. If it comes down to it, I would rather give up my natural birth and have a c-section than risk my child's life with Cytotec - that is how strongly I feel about not using it.  Eric promised me that he would not let them use Cytotec no matter what and that he would make sure that they tried Pitocin first, so I feel better about that. I know it's pretty likely that I'll go into labor on my own and that none of this will be a problem, but it still stresses me out a bit.

I guess my biggest issue with the whole process of how childbirth is managed in this country is how doctors look at it as a medical issue - something that needs to be managed and treated. I feel like it is not a medical issue - I'm not sick and birth is not some scary thing that needs to be treated. It is something that my body was made to do, so why can't I just let my body do what it was meant to do? If the average length of gestation is 41 weeks, why on earth would you expect everyone to have a baby by 41 weeks? Especially when you can monitor both my baby and the placenta through non-stress tests and ultrasounds to find out if anything is abnormal. Average by definition means that some will be less and some will be more. Same goes for the rate of dilation - the average is 1 cm an hour, but if I don't dilate for 4 hours and all of sudden dilate 4 cm, doesn't that average out to 1 cm an hour? I think that there are a lot of great things relate to childbirth that have come out of medical involvement, but I also believe they apply to a very limited number of women, most of whom demonstrate signs of risk way before labor and delivery. I get that obstetrics is a field that carries a lot of risk for the doctors who practice it, after all no one is more sue-happy than a mother whose child has suffered birth defects, trauma, or death because of a preventable situation. However, I would gladly sign all the waivers placed in front of me, promising that I wouldn't sue if I could just do what I thought was best for my child. I've spent my whole pregnancy doing everything I could to keep my son healthy. I haven't so much as taken a single Tylenol, gave up tea and coffee, and forced myself to eat healthfully even when what I wanted to eat is junk. My biggest fear is that my vigilance will be for naught as soon as I walk through the hospital doors, and I'm afraid of how much Eric and I will have to fight to protect our son from the drugs and interventions that may be thrown our way.

I used to think that anyone that wanted a home birth was out of their mind and it never even occurred to me to look at a midwife as a care provider during my pregnancy. I wish I knew then what I know now about childbirth and pregnancy because I would have made a different choice. I wish I had trusted in my body and my ability to do this from the very beginning and it saddens me that we live in a culture that conditions women to believe that childbirth is a traumatic experience that needs to be managed. I know I haven't given birth before and I don't know first hand how painful it is, but I truly believe it is pain with a purpose. I don't think that it is something to be managed and it frustrates me to no end that I have to fight a system to let my body do what it was meant to do. I'm hopefully that everything will go smoothly for this labor and delivery, even though I know everything will not go exactly as plan.

On another note, I need to let my mom know that I completely understand now why she was always so pushy and embarassing each time we went to the doctor as kids. She would call and complain about not being able to get an appointment and would bug the nurses if we had to wait too long and stop by member services at Kaiser to fight to get approvals for things she thought we needed. It drove me nuts and I swore I would never do it. Mom - all I have to say is that I get it. I get it because my kid isn't even born yet and I would already do all of that for him to get here safely. I might try to go about it in a slightly different way but, when push comes to shove, I'll embarass the hell out my kid if it means that he'll get the care he needs and that's going to start the second I walk into the hospital to deliver him.

Girls Weekend!

Several weeks ago I had a minor freakout that my weekends and time before motherhood were limited and my ability to do things spontaneously with my friends was also limited. To help combat this fear, I started making all kinds of fun social plans and this weekend, I got to do one of them!

On Friday, Sonal came into town from New York. Julie and I picked her up from Chinatown and got to enjoy a lovely evening together. The weather was BEAUTIFUL and we found an amazing parking spot right away so we walked to Oyamel then to Chef Geoff's for dinner. We had so much fun just talking and catching up and Julie and I got to live our single lives vicariously through all of Sonal's fun adventures in New York.

On Saturday, Sonal and I headed down to Charlottesville to visit Payal. I had been wanting to visit Payal since she moved down for business school and I am so glad that I finally got the chance! Since we all went to UVA for undergrad, our day trip was centered around our culinary memories from college. But first, on our way down, we made a stop at a fairly new establishment in the C-ville area (well...new to us at least ) - Chick-Fil-A, so that Sonal could get her fix in the form of a mid-morning snack (since those don't exist in NY currently). After our pit stop, we headed to Darden to meet up with Payal and check out her place. It was kind of funny to realie how my sense of direction around Charlottesville had gone away, but over the course of the day, it definitely came back to me!  Anyways, after a quick stop to check out Payal's pad we headed to grounds. The weekend of good luck continued and we got a great free parking spot right by Kerchof!

We started our trip down memory lane by walking through the amphitheater and through the lawn. The weather again was beautiful (a bit blustry) and it was so cool to see the Rotunda and all the progress that had been made on construction since we left (and take a ton of pictures!). What was weird though, was that I didn't get that same sense of longing and overflowing of affection for grounds that I used to get when I first visited after I had graduated. Although it still brought me a lot of happiness and fond memories, it seemed a lot more distant - almost another lifetime ago.

Following our tour of grounds, we headed straight for the corner and my favorite lunch place ever - Take -it Away! I got my favorite sandwich - chicken salad on pumpernickle with house dressing, and we got to enjoy our tasety treats outside in the beautiful sun. After lunch we headed to Mincers, where Little Z's Payal Auntie and Sonal Auntie decided to spoil him with some UVA paraphanelia. Payal Auntie bought him an adorable UVA onesie that should perfectly around the start of football season, and Sonal Auntie bought him a super cute UVA t-shirt which should also fit around the time of football season. We continued our shopping excursion at the UVA Bookstore where I picked up some cute UVA booties to match the awesome outfits that Payal and Sonal bought.

After the bookstore, came one of my favorite parts of the day - day drinking at the Horse and Hound by the downtown mall. I enjoyed a ridiculous amount of mocktails (club soda, splash of oj, and a splash of cranberry), while Sonal and Payal enjoyed a variety of beverages ranging from beer, to mixed drinks, to shots/shooters. We spent almost 2 hours chatting and catching up, and even though the restaurant was supposed to be closed for part of that time, our waiter never once pressured us to leave and kept the beverages flowing. After Payal and Sonal were thoroughly tipsy, we headed back to grounds so we could meet some of Payal's friends at a Dodgeball tournament. I actually saw an old friend, Chris that I hadn't seen in years and got a chance to catch up with him a bit while Sonal and Payal participated in the event....both swore they weren't going to play and the ended up being the last 2 standing for their team!

We ended our amazing day with couple more of our culinary favorites - dinner at Zocolo followed by dessert at Splendora. I may have discovered a new favorite appetizer curtesy of a recommendation Julie gave us on Friday night - cheese fritters with a sweet and spicy sauce! They were so good, we got 2 orders to share between the three of us! Afterwards, we headed to Sonal's all-time favorite Gelato palce in the world (and I'm not kidding when I say this - she tried nearly every gelato stand in Italy when we went there after graduation), Splendora. Even though we were stuffed to the max, we managed to find a little room for dessert and it was sooo worth it! We even took a picture outside, so we could send it to our friend Jenn, who loves Splendora almost as much as Sonal:P

I was completely exhausted by the time I got home around 10:45, but today I feel more rejuvinated that I have in a long time. Even though the weekend feels so short, I feel like I got to do so much and refuel for the work week. I know that I am definitely going to have to make time to keep doing stuff like this after Little Z is born, even if it's on a smaller schedule. Sometimes a little me time benefits more than just me - feeling energized and happy and engaged makes me much more pleasant to be around and much more efficient in my work and responsbilities, both at work and at home!

I Heart V-Day

First off, I absolutely love valentine's day. I know it's a cheesy hallmark holiday, but I really enjoy it - I think it's really important to take the time to reflect on your relationship and find new ways to let your partner know how much you love and appreciate them. Eric and I don't usually do gifts, but we always do cards (which is waaay more important to me) and something special to celebrate. Since we had our Bradley class yesterday, we decided to celebrate a little early over the weekend. We went to an incredible French Restaurant near Capitol Hill and enjoyed a deliciously decadent dinner and a fabulous date. It felt like we were only there for a few minutes, but we actually stayed for nearly 3 hours talking and enjoying each other's company.  Eric knows that I LOVE getting flowers, and usually on Valentine's he'll have some delivered to work, but he couldn't do that this year since I was in an all day client meeting in DC. I felt so bad because I didn't even get to go in the house after my meeting - I literally picked him up infront of the apartment and we went stratight to our class. Being the awesome, thoughtful hubby that he is, he had brough a huge bottle of water and snacks for me since I hadn't had dinner. Annd, even better - when we got home, I saw that he had picked up some of my favorite flowers, some chocolate and of course a card. I'm usually a huge sap, and Eric usually caters to this in the card department, but I am so glad he deviated from it this year b/c I got the best card ever! On the front there was a cartoon penguin couple lying in bed and it said "To my wife, this valentine's day I'm going to give you the one thing you desire most" and on the inside it said "The covers!" and there was a picture of a dog peaking in the room and the hubby shivering and the wife fast asleep with all the covers. it. was. awesome. I couldn't stop laughing. Plus he put the mushy stuff on the back so it was a win-win.  Little Z added to our celebration by giving his daddy some really good kicks to feel while we read him a bedtime story - so strong infact that you could seemy belly move from the outside! All-in-all a very nice valentine's day:)

And the award for best husband ever goes to...

Eric!!! Of course, there's a story to this and I just had to share it with all of you. So earlier this week, I got my first real pregnancy craving...boxed macaroni and cheese. You know - the Kraft kind in a blue box full of processed cheese and other fake things. Yup, that was my craving. Not for the amazing and decadent homemade versions that Eric and I make from time to time, but the stuff from a blue box. I had been talking about it since Monday, but I told Eric that I wasn't going to eat it because it's complete crap and I really don't think I should be feeding Little Z that sort of stuff.  Fast forward to yesterday, which was the 3rd day in a row I'd been telling Eric how badly I wanted some. I came home and right after my immediate lamenting of craving such a terrible food, Eric told me he had a small valentine's day gift for me that I had to open early. He hands me a box all wrapped up in pink paper. I rush to open it and find that it is a box of Kraft macaroni and cheese!! He told me he was tired of me talking about it and trying to deny myself the only real craving I've had this pregnancy. So, while I went to the gym, Eric made me mac 'n' cheese from a box and it was quite possibly more delicious than I remembered it being. At least I got in a good workout before devoring most of the box:P

Uggghhh....I might have GD

Yesterday was certainly an interesting day....things got super hectic at work, and I found out I have a pretty major role on a proposal, got tasked to help with a deliverable on a project, and still have to manage the project I'm currently working on! I also managed to leave my phone at home. As I got home after a particularly trafficky filled commute, I was really looking forward to my workout. Unfortuantely, I decided to check my voicemail to see if I had missed any calls during the day and sure enough I had. I got a lovely message from my OB's office telling me that my glucose levels were high from my 1 hour test and that I had to get scheduled for the 3 hour test. An elevated glucose level could be an indicator of gestational diabetes.

My mood was instantaneously dampered and I felt (and still feel) so terrible! I feel like I've tried really hard to do everything right - I still workout for 45 minutes 4-5 days a week, I watch what I eat, I really limit sweets (except for fruit - I LOVE my fruit!) and still I somehow feel like I'm already letting this kid down. I have none of the signs of gestational diabetes (GD) - no rapid weight gain, the baby is not measuring big, no high blood pressure (116/60 at my last visit), so I'm definitely shocked by the possibility of actually having it! I'm scheduled to go in for my 3 hour test on Tuesday and I'm crossing my fingers that it will go better. I felt so sick and jittery after drinking all that sugar before the 1 hour test, and now I'm supposed to drink twice that amount for the 3 hour test!

Now I haven't been a huge worrier when it comes to this pregnancy, and I'd bet good money that my mom and my aunts have worried more about my baby's gestational health than I have so far. However, when I was researching GD I learned some things that kind of freaked me out - mainly that the baby is at a higher risk for low blood sugar, a NICU stay, and jaundice. I'm actually most freaked out about the jaundice - I had it really really badly when I was an infant (like to the point of almost needed a blood transfusion), and I figured that my kid would likely be predisposed to having that anyway. But, knowing that GD could increase that risk really makes me nervous, plus the fact that having GD increases your child's risk of childhood and adult obesity. I'm also not so thrilled about how having GD increases your risk for a c-section, inductions, etc. since we are hoping for an intervention and med-free birth. Now, I'm probably freaking out over nothing and hopefully, even if I am predisposed to having GD (b/c women of South Asian decent have an increased risk factor) my diet and exercise have been helping to control it and limit its effects on Little Z. I just want to make sure that I give our little guy the best possible nutrition and environment to grow in until he is ready to make his appearance so that he has the best possible start when he does get here!

Fingers crossed that the doctor's visit goes well tomorrow and that the 3 hour test goes well next week...hopefully all this worry will be for nothing!